Fired up? Ready to go.
Those words kept going through my head as I drove up I395 at 5:30am on Sunday morning. Fired up. Ready to go. I was trying not to think about the next 3 hours that lay ahead of me and I just kept repeating that in my head. “Brian, you’ve trained for 8 months for this. Fired up. Ready to go.” Self doubt and fear are cunning enemies. They wait till we’re low or afraid and then they pounce. “Maybe I didn’t train hard enough. What if I drown in the Potomac or wreck my bike? Maybe I won’t even finish the run…. Wait, yes I will. Fired up. Ready to go.” I need to back up a day. Let me explain…
The day before the race I had gone to rack my bike and run some last minute errands so I could get home, eat a nice early dinner, relax and go to bed. On the way home I was flipping through my new Sirius satellite radio when I heard a speech Barrack Obama was giving in Manassas back in November of last year. He was talking about being on the campaign trail in a rural town in the middle of rain storm in front of a really small crowd of around 20 or people when he heard a voice from the back of the room.
“Fired up? Ready to go.”
Just watch the speech, it’s easier than me trying to explain it.
Now what he was talking about was one voice changing a room, a city and even a nation. And as I thought about it I realized how true that really is. One voice can change everything. Not just in a room, or in a city or nation, but also inside of you. There’s a voice that we all have that’s the most powerful voice we can muster. The voice inside of our heads.
I know how strong that voice can be. It can tell you that you’re too fat, too slow, too old, too scared, too unathletic, too lazy and too tired. I’ve heard that voice before and I know the power it can have. So on this morning, I was drowning that voice out with my voice. I was not going to be afraid, I was not going to doubt myself. I had trained for months for this day. I put in the work, put in the hours and put in the guts to get there. I wasn’t going to let a voice in my head tell I wasn’t ready. I’m fired up. I’m ready to go.
And I was. I arrived at the transition area well before sun was up. I got to my bike, unpacked my bag and started getting everything laid out. I put out my towel, laid both pairs of shoes and my socks behind it. Then I took my helmet, water bottles, gloves and other assorted items and laid them all out just as I had practiced it the day before. I went over my checklist one more time to make sure I had everything unpacked and ready for transition:
- 2 Water bottles full of gatorade on the bike
- Flat repair kit with pump, strapped to the bike
- Carbo goo things rubber banded to the bike
- Bike shoes undone and facing me
- Running shoes double knotted and facing me
- socks undone and stuck into the bike shoes
- Helmet unbuckled with sunglasses and gloves inside
- Tires inflated to 125psi
Everything was checked out and ready. The only thing that remained was to put on some anti-chaffing stuff, toss on my wet suit and head over to the swim pen where the other men in my heat were preparing to enter the water.
Then for after what seemed like hours but in actuality was only about 15 minutes went by and I was heading into the water. The first 4 waves of swimmers had already gone and as I jumped into the water I heard that self doubt creeping up again. “Wow, that bridge is really far away….” I tuned it out. Fired up? Ready to go.
BOOM! The gun sounded and we were off. There was kicking and slapping everywhere as everyone fought to get ahead in the first few minutes. I got away from the group to the right a little bit so I could avoid the fray and just started swimming. I tried to keep a nice even, steady rhythm and not try to sprint the entire way. I thought I was doing really good with the whole swimming thing until I heard the sound of a whistle right above me.
I stopped to look up and I saw one of the safety marshals in a kayak pointed at me. “You’re going to go off-course. Turn left!” Sure as shit, I looked around and saw the majority of the swimmers in my wave about 50-60 feet to my left. WHOOPS!
By the time I had caught back up with the back end of my wave, we were already past the half-way point and my arms were starting to ache. But, I didn’t want to be in the back of the pack so I surged ahead and tried to catch up with the bigger, mid-pack group. By the time I neared the dock I was right back in the thick of the slower guys from my wave and some of the weaker swimmers from the previous waves (each wave had a unique colored swim cap. Pretty clever).
As I pulled myself out of the water I noticed a phenomenon I had never experienced before. I was so used to swimming over the last 30 minutes that my legs didn’t like trying to walk, much less run. I almost fell over right on the dock before I was able to right myself and start heading back to the transition.
Total swim time: 34:27 (1 mile)
I was feeling pretty worn out and still a little bit dizzy but as I headed off the dock I saw the crowd the lined the path from swim to bike was huge and cheering loudly for everyone who ran past. I quickly forgot how tired my arms felt and ran a little harder as I began to strip my wet suit off.
When I got to my bike the very first thing I did was take of the wet suit the rest of the way, towel off a little bit, a get my helmet on and buckled right away. Nothing will get you disqualified from a race faster than not having your helmet on outside of the transition area, so I didn’t want to take any chances. I quickly changed out my gear, tore open a goo and ran over to the bike mount area. As I got ready to get on my bike I saw a larger group of my friends cheering me on I started to get really excited about getting moving on what would probably be the strongest part of the race for me.
Transition 1 time: 3:47 Total time: 38:10
I pedaled for a minute or so to get used to the motion of riding and clear out any remaining dizziness from the swim and proceeded to get down into the aero position and take off. I couldn’t help but think how great the bike felt. I had just gotten it tuned and it was doing everything perfectly. I know I did not do that great on the swim and so I had a lot of time to make up if I was going to get in under 3 hours (my goal time). So I really started cooking it on the bike.
The course for the Nation’s Tri is pretty flat and very fast. There were some slight hills on Canal Road heading out to the beltway, but for the most part it was just how I like the ride to be, lots of flat road and slow, rolling hills.
By the time the ride was coming to an end I was feeling amazing. My legs were a little tired, but I didn’t feel too hot (thanks in part to my awesome new tri suit), I had eaten some carbs on the ride and I only had the desire to down one of my bottles of gatorade. As I made the final turn towards the last transition I was feeling like this whole race was in the bag. I was so wrong.
Bike time: 1:12:35 (25 miles) Total time: 1:50:45
When I neared the bike dismount area I undid my bike shoes and managed to slip out of them while they were still clipped into the bike. When I finally dismounted I took a few easy steps at first to make sure I had my legs under me, and then I threw my bike over my shoulder and dashed over to the bike rack. When I got there I pulled on my running shoes, took off my helmet, bike gloves and sunglasses, threw on my visor, took one last swig of gatorade and headed over to the run course.
Transition time: 2:40 Total Time: 1:53:25
Look how happy I am! That is soon to change…
I knew the first mile or so would be tough. Getting your legs used to the running motion after biking for over an hour isn’t easy. My legs felt like they were full of cement. I couldn’t wait for the feeling to go away. Right about mile 2 I started to feel a bit lighter in my steps and pushed ahead with a little more speed. I needed to get this 10k in around an hour if I was going to be sure to hit my goal. I starting to feel pretty positive about the whole thing. “If I can do the 10k in 55 minutes, I can finish in less than 2:50. That would be awesome!”
By the time I hit mile 4 though, I knew this was not to be. My goddamn knee, with its goddamn IT band issue, started flaring up again. Big time. It started to throb every time I took a step. By the time I was at mile 5 it was totally stiff and I could barely jog anymore. I slowed down a walk.
I really thought this was it. No way was I going to be able to make it another mile like this. My hopes of getting through this in under 3 hours were shot. The voices of self-doubt and fear crept back into my head. I was going to be a failure.
Then I thought for a moment about why I was doing all of this anyways. Why was I here? To prove something to myself? What did I need to prove anyways?
But as my breathing slowed and I started to catch my breath I realized it had nothing to do with proving anything to anyone. As I looked ahead of me I saw another athlete with a prosthetic leg, who had started about 10 minutes before me in para-athletes wave. Here was this guy, running in a full Olympic triathlon, with only one leg.
This moment reminded me of the real reason I was here. I wasn’t here to prove anything to myself or anyone else. I knew from the start that I could do this if I put my mind to it. No, I have nothing to prove to anyone. I was here to celebrate my life.
It’s cliche to say, but life is very short. And I realized at that very moment this whole day, like every day that I’m healthy and breathing, is a gift. And it will never come again. So I could wince and moan every time I take a step and think about how bad my knee hurts and walk it out the rest of the way and limp across the finish line like a defeated man. Of, I could seize the moment, ignore the pain for a few minute and charge through the last mile and finish like a champion.
So I sucked it up, bared down and took off running again. It hurt, but I just kept thinking to myself “Fired up. Ready to go. Look at how far you’ve come Brian. Don’t quit now.” And I didn’t.
As I turned the final corner and saw the finish line I heard all my friends yelling to me “GO BRIAN!! GO!!”. All the pain, all the weariness, everything melted away and I started to sprint. I blew threw the finish line and was handed my finisher’s medal. Then I promptly collapsed on the ground.
Run time: 59:45 (6.2 miles) Final time: 2:52:49 (WOO WOOO!)
I want to thank everyone who provided me with the love and support that was so crucial to this journey being a success. Thank you to Ann for being always being there when I needed it. Thank you to Doug and Tyrone for being my running buddies and pushing me to go faster. Thank you to DC Tri Club and Beginnertriathle.com, for all the great advice on everything triathlon related. Thank you to Tim for selling me one incredible bike and to Michael at Hudson Trail for making sure it was running perfectly at all times (even though I show up at the last minute). Thanks to Jeff for giving me this crazy idea last winter. Thanks to Em, Holly and Dawn & Mike for being my online cheerleaders. Thank you to Jen, Sean, Jim, Clair, Doug and Ariel, The Benner, Clint, Merrell, Tom, Penny and The Zenith Court Crew (Rick, Anne-Marie and Ann) for being my cheering section and helping me with the last event on Sunday, the eating!
And finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the two people who inspired me to run this race, Rebecca and her late husband Mark. Their courage during his struggle with Leukemia gave me strength when I didn’t think I could go any further. With every step in this journey, my thoughts were you with you and your family. Thank you inspiring me to seize life.
So where do we go from here? Well, I’ve signed up to do some more races (an 8k in November, a half-marathon afterward and a few more triathlons next year). And I’ve had about a dozen friends and co-workers sign up for races after they saw me finish. So it sounds like I’ll be doing a lot of coaching and advice giving over the next few months as well.
I’ll continue to try and update the blog when I’m planning to do another race of if I review a new piece of gear, but it may not be as often as I’ve posted in the past. But check back from time to time and you may find something interesting.
Finally I want to finish with a quote from one of my favorite movies. The first time I heard it I found it really struck a cord with me and what I was trying to do with this crazy journey. Bonus points for you if you can tell me what movie it’s from…
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. “
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